Roles Reversed

Nothing is worse than hearing that someone you love has CANCER. It's even harder when it's your parent. Like all the children, I grew up thinking that my dad would live forever. It never crossed my mind that one day even he has to go. 

So, when papa was diagnosed with cancer. I was shocked. Suddenly everything around me changed.

He always took good care of me. Now it was my turn. I could cry and sit or put a fight with "big C". I will and I will take good care of papa. At the same time, I needed to help myself to sustain through the treatments.

The doctor said, papa will live at max -9 months(in best scenario) or less. I was determined to make the impossible happen. But before helping papa, I needed to help myself. To ensure that I was ready to take on big C, I had to do something that keeps me positive and motivated. And this is what i did. It helped me. Hope it helps those who are reading.

Bucket list: I made a list of things, papa would like to do depending upon his taste. Like the places he wanted to visit, books he wanted to read, food that he loved to eat. And then, I started working towards to completing the list. 

Being available:I would try my best to be around papa all the time. And when I couldn’t, I was available on phone. I started sleeping with  phone(s) under the pillow. Calling him at random times, just to check that he was with us. I bought another phone, incase the battery betrays me. I din't wanted to take chances.

In sync with the treatment: The first thing that I would ask after meeting the treating doctors,was his phone number ( I still have their phone numbers). I would surf the internet the whole day( thanks to my the tablet) looking for the treatments, emerging symptoms etc. Knowing before hand helped me in delaying the symptoms. I could arrange for the palliative care equipments (like the alpha mattress, wheel chair, nebulizer, oxygen cylinder) in advance. Though they were not much of a help but to some percentage they did provide very little relief.

Nursing help: We all wanted to take care of papa. So nursing was not an issue. Since I would take care of the hospital, treatment, medicine, the home front was take care of by my mom and my elder ( who was the best help and took extremely good care of papa ( I love you my bro)

Note making: I started making notes by asking papa about his condition and keeping an eye on his symptoms and emerging symptoms. It helped me when we visited the doctor. These notes helped me in setting my goals and next to do.

Experience writing: I bought a diary and started writing my experiences. I would ask papa, about something and then note down his response to it. We would discuss some topic everyday. Today i have a treasure of my father’s views, thoughts, advice and guidance with me.

Family: Mine is a very united family, but after papa's CANCER, we became more close. They are my support system. They believed in my decisions, and supported me unconditionally all through and even after papa was gone. Thank you motabhai, chotubhai, momma, my love and above all my angel- thank you for being the most understanding kid.

Motivational Stories : Knowing that you are dying and people you love will be left behind, is very devastating. That's what happened to papa. After knowing about CANCER, he lost interest in everything he did or loved. It is said, that  being HOPEFUL is very important to get well. I wanted papa to have hope. And the only way to ensure was to keep him motivated and inspired. To do that, I started reading motivational stories to him. I joined forums, groups for CANCER SURVIVOR and would read out their stories to him. Sometimes he believed and looked very positive and at times he would just give up.

While in hospital, after few months of treatment, one day papa asked me, if I could get him a vaccine to help him end his life. I din't know how to react? It shattered me. I never felt so weak. I was furious. "Papa, i want you to live”, I said. After that day, he never asked. But he became quite- very quite as if he was counting his remaining days.

Papa tried hard, very hard- did everything he could do to be with me- with us. But, but - life doesn't ask you. It teaches you. As against to the doctor's predictions, papa lived for 11months …Though he lost the battle but he is still my hero. And continues to live in my heart. I am so proud of you, PAPA.

Love you, PAPA.