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Sunday 14 September 2014

Memories of my Future!

By the time October arrived, Papa would sleep ( or lay unconscious) for  as long as 22 hrs, barely opening his eyes now and then for few seconds. 

There was no sign of life, except for his belly moving up and down. No movement absolutely. And, for the few moments, he opened his yellow(ed) eyes.  I could see JAUNDICE had set in. The last stage of the process of his fading….soon papa will live in my memory. How bad it felt..no one can feel. And those who say, I understand- just lie.

All through, my father's fight with CANCER, the only respite I had, for the few seconds when papa opened his eyes, he always recognized everyone around him. Lots of my cousins, uncles, aunts and neighbors came to visit him almost everyday. He recognized all of the them. Even till his last breath. Cancer did not affect his memory. 

Talking about his memory, once my mother and brother had gone to bank for some work. At the counter, my mother handed over a cheque. The counter clerk, said- Aunty there is no balance in your account. My mother and brother were surprised, how is it possible that papa, did not realize that the account had no balance and he issued a cheque. They started walking back. It is impossible, if papa is saying than account will have balance" My brother had just concluded the sentence. When the clerk came calling from behind, i am SORRY madam, it was my mistake your account does have money.

At times, my mother would forget where she had kept her things, but papa always remembered. Even the smallest thing, he would tell you exactly where it has been kept.

My husband often says, that I derive pleasure from looking at my old and worn out things . He adds, that I spend a lot of my energy and time in storing them and then taking them out to just look at them. My version is, all the things I keep have memories behind them. And I DON’T like forgetting or parting with my things or anything that matters to me. They make me SMILE, and keep me attached to where i belong. They are the souvenirs of my past and help me to create a beautiful history for tomorrow.

During those 11 months, the memories me and my father made - his courage, his fighting spirit,  the things he said and did, - are my best treasures. These "memories" are much more precious than any valuables. Whatever I am today, it is because of him. He gave me the best gift of life…the ATTITUDE to CHANGE for good and only good. And nothing beats that!

Holding on to his memories, I am walking forward... still living in the time left behind.

Love you PAPA!

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