Letter to Papa

Date: 26August 2014

Dear Papa,

Good Morning!

Today, its has been 10 months since i last saw you,  spoke to you or heard you call me “beti”. Nobody calls me like this anymore. It feels like it has been ages since we sat together.  I am heart broken. I miss you.  

I miss the morning “masala tea”, that you would make. I miss, you reading me the news paper headlines  and the long discussion that followed. I miss, when you would call me every morning ( after i got married) just to ask me “how am i?"

There has been not a single day, when i haven’t missed you since you left. I always imagine what would it be like, had you been here. At family gatherings or functions, i  always think of what you would have said or done.

Do you remember the time when you would teach me Maths. I am still not good at Maths. There are so many other things for which i need your advice.  You left so soon. I am so lost. Now i don’t have anyone to guide me they way you did.

You left suddenly, I am still in shock. I cannot believe It has happened to me. Though, in the last few months, I was able to spend some time with you.  But thats not enough. I wanted more time. There is so much i needed to learn from you. Although, I  consider myself fortunate to be part of some really beautiful moments. But it hurts and when the pain gets unbearable, memories are my only way out. I look at your photos, videos and hear to your sound i recorded when you were here. And i feel better.  

I  regret for not paying attention to your declining health. I regret for not praying enough for your recovery. I am sorry, papa. But now i pray for you everyday. That is the only thing i can do now. Initially I would cry a lot. I still sometimes do. But then i think,  why should i cry for you, when you are always with me, watching me, taking care of me like you always did (though i can’t see you anymore). It must be hard on you to see me  shattered ( as you never liked me crying). I will not cry anymore. 

I miss you, papa for nobody pampers me like the way you did. You were always proud of me. I know, I was your favorite child (I remember you sneaking me extra pocket money and instructing me not to tell chotu bhai and mota bhai) and always will be. You will always be there for me no matter where you are. And I love you for that.

I want to say thank you for loving me, taking care of me, encouraging me to bring the best in me  and above all for being my “Bapu”.

Love you papa,

Ur Beti