Papa and Me!

Time just flew away, in a week …it will be a year. And I remember, how I counted minutes in the hospital room. A few minutes felt like days….and with a whole year gone by. I missed you everyday papa in everything I did.

Today I am sharing, what it was like to be your daughter….

• You were my best friend. I could always discuss with you anything and everything
• You treated me as a princess. You believed in me and my opinion was always counted.
• Like any teenager, I too had arguments with mumma and you knew just how to handle the 2 women you loved.
• You knew exactly, what to say and when. You knew where to begin and how to end.
• You trusted me completely and never questioned any of my decisions and the choices I made.
• You gave me the freedom to choose and live the choices. But you were there always behind me to support, If ever I may fall.
• You were always there for me. No matter when and where I was, you was always there.
• During my growing years, I too had arguments with you, but you always took time to explain and listen.

And lastly, I can say that  I have( you are always my papa) the BEST FATHER…in the whole world

To you PAPA( Lovely Song by Barbara Streisand that exactly conveys my feelings)

God, our Heavenly Father
Oh, God and my father
Who is also in heaven

May the light of this flickering candle
Illuminate the night the way
Your spirit illuminates my soul

Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you see me?
Papa, can you find me in the night?

Papa, are you near me?
Papa, can you hear me?
Papa, can you help me, not be frightened?

Looking at the skies I seem to see a million eyes
Which ones are yours?
Where are you now that yesterday

Has waved good-bye and closed its doors?

The night is so much darker
The wind is so much colder

The world I see is so much bigger

Now that I'm alone

Papa, please forgive me

Try to understand me
Papa, don't you know I had no choice?

Can you hear me praying?

Anything I'm saying?
Even though the night
Is filled with voices

I remember everything you taught me
Every book I've ever read
Can all the words in all the books

Help me to face what lies ahead?

The trees are so much taller

And I feel so much smaller
The moon is twice as lonely
And the stars are half as bright

Papa, how I love you
Papa, how I need you
Papa, how I miss you

Love U Papa!

Move on

My father was diagnosed with cancer in November 2012. After fighting with CANCER with all his strength and courage for nearly 10 months. He left us all on 26 October 2013. Everybody said "to move on", but..... i am yet to .... I love my father too much to "move on"....may be someday i will or may be not....

In memory of my father...

I am my daddy’s little girl, 

I have always been and will always be

He said, he loved me in a million ways

More then anything else in the world

As, I grew -for him his baby

He gave me what i desired- My love

With tears in his eyes and smile on his lips

He gave me away to be a part of a different world

Life had many ups and down, 

But he was there to hold my hand

And guide me through

With love and care, always

When I became a mother

He was there, to welcome my princess

And once again he said, 

In million ways I LOVE YOU my grandchild

And, now that he is  gone

I miss him, I wish he was here

To see the grief, when he is not coming back

Tears in my eyes and void in my heart

My love for him lives on

He is with me and always will be

I promise to love him

Until we meet again

Love you papa!

Chapter 3 - The bond

A few days ago while reading, i came across this beautiful quote, which i would like to share.

    Sometimes, it’s not the person we miss
   It’s the feeling you had when you were with them. 

It made me think!. Since i started writing this blog, i have only written about the difficult, painful and bad times of our lives. But that's not all. We did have great fun. We were happy and have a lot of beautiful memories to share.

My father was a central government employee with a fixed salary coming at the end of the month. We were three siblings, all studying in a good school. After the monthly expenses, very little (money) was left to spend on luxury or buy expensive toys. But still papa did his best to get the best for his kids. Every evening, he would spend time with us. He was always an involved parent and took keen interest in our lives. 

Before settling in Delhi, we were based in Pune. In Maharashtra, there is a culture of small girls playing with these toy steel utensils. All my friends had this beautiful collection and i too wanted it for myself.    

It was difficult to build the collection in day. For that i had a plan. Every morning, i would write on a piece of paper and put it in my father's pocket. In the evening, papa would get me the toy. This continued for months. One evening, for some reason papa couldn't get the toy, which i wanted so desperately. 

When he came home, I asked him at the door itself, as was the routine. I became very sad, papa  sensed it. That very evening he took me to the market and i bought the toy. I was happy, very happy( that age, when toys make you happy, and now when i come to think of it,  if only i could exchange that happiness with my father's life ). Few years later, books ( i love reading ) replaced these toys and i was least concerned where these toy( once my prized possessions) were lying. 

Papa and I always shared a special bond ( blame it on the genes, father -daughter) but still there was this unsaid understanding between us. He always knew, what i wanted and in his best ability, gave me everything I laid my hands on. I tried my best to make him proud, may be not completely but i tried.

Today, when i think of all those happy times we spent. I realized, that i have a treasure full of memories which are enough to last a life time. But what is wrong if had a few more spilling out of the box.

Btw, i still have all those toys utensils. My parents retained them all through these years and gave them to my daughter ( my own walking, talking toy) when she turned 2.

Love you papa!