Candle in the wind

To START, mine's was a nuclear family, so the only relationships i knew during my growing years,  were my parents and my two brothers. I never fell short of any emotion or feelings, and everything made sense. Life was complete in its own right. My father was a govt. employee and mother is a homemaker. Not much money, minimal luxury and lot of love and affection. I was happy!

We laughed, we talked, we ate together, we argued …papa was the binding force. He asked, and he told. He was a guide and a friend. He knew where his children were…even when we were miles apart.  He was always there for us. No matter where we left, he knew where to begin…life was in all going at its beautiful best.And then...life changed!

Papa, left us too soon, days before when things have began to settle. And every thing seemed like a fairy tale…all his  children were well settled. He was a grandfather now. He talked and she giggled. He sang and she would sleep. He would play and she would get more excited. He clapped and she clapped. His grand daughter, who became the centre of his life. The only person who made him smile, though faint ( he was too weak to laugh)…though his sore lips would hurt, but he  would smile….just for and she would understand.

Life took a U-turn, and now I am starting again….without PAPA!( Though I can never, my  world will never be perfect...but...if et all life was free of IF(s) n BUT(s)

This moment when i am writing, I just remember a song by ELTON JOHN..which i want to dedicate to papa… To, my superhero dad...the extraordinary person, he was...and to the difference he made to my life..our lives....

And it seems to me you lived your life

Like a candle in the wind

Never knowing who to cling to

When the rain set in

And I would have liked to have known you

But I was just a kid

Your candle burned out long before

Your legend ever did"

love you papa!

Chapter 6- The time has arrived....

It was  6th August,2012. I had an appointment with the doctor. Since the past few days, papa was unable to sit by himself and had been complaining of acute pain in the shoulders. Therefore, i decided to visit the doctor and discuss the problem. In 1945, 6th August, 8:16am, Atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima( JAPAN) killing thousands of people. And today another bomb was dropped....that changed my life for worse....  

At 9:00 am, i reached my parent's house, dropped my daughter, collected all the necessary reports and left for the hospital. Papa couldn’t come because of the pain and his inability to sit. 

I reached the hospital around 9:45am, i still had 30min, before i meet the doctor. I decided to have a cup of coffee. While I sipped my coffee,  my gaze fell on a middle aged man, who was crying. I felt bad, but we had something in common - one of our loved was suffering.  We both were in pain, and when pain is the common factor, it becomes so much easier to talk even to the strangers.

What I heard was unbelievable, he told, he was 47 years old, his mother passed away, soon after giving birth to him. His father never married again. He din’t have any sister. He doesn’t have a daughter. The only woman in his life is his wife, whom he loves very much, and will do anything to save her. He further added that, she is the one who has stood by him all these years, gave him a family, gave him a sense of being loved, she gave him 2 sons,  and looked after his father. She has loved him selflessly and today the doctor says, she has no time left….she is going!( Sorry,Uncle for sharing your story)

I was saddened the way my day has started, but then it was same…as it had been for past 7 months. My name was called, i gulped my coffee and  went inside…the doctor looked and re-looked at papa’s reports and with a sigh, he said, the cancer has spread in the bones( and the whole body) and ….and….and... now ..NOTHING CAN BE DONE!

The time has come, was my first thought. I asked the doctor, how time papa has got, he said…may be a week or a month. Somebody just stabbed me in the heart…papa don’t go!. 

I composed my self, and asked, Can we do something to make papa’s remaining journey less painful. I pleaded, can we continue with chemotherapy, that ways papa will have hope?

The doctor said, No, that is not possible but you can take radiation therapy session, but that too won’t help papa because of his old age. I pleaded again, I will do anything - just anything  to maintain papa’s hope, even if means nothing or is not helping him anyways. 

Since, i was not  ready do give up, he said, you can take opinion from other doctors ( that was his way of making me understand, through other doctors telling me- be prepared, time is near). I was so desperate, that I could have done anything to save my father, whom i was about to loose. I visited all the major hospitals of Delhi, while my brother visited a re-known hospital in Mumbai. But nothing changed -the answer remained  same.

The rains set in, and the candle burned out!

Love you papa!