Chapter 2 - Tests

On 9th December,2012, 9:00am, the doctor visited. The doctor looked at papa’s report. He had this lame expression on his face, which i read as of “frustration. While doing my research I came across this very good article,which said

most of the oncologist are frustrated, because despite of their best effort, the result is always loss”. 

Over the period of 10months, one thing i have become very sure,  cancer  after stage 2, always means death, desperation and frustration, for anyone who is related to cancer by being a patient, or relative of a patient or  the doctor treating the patient.

 “ Patients are frustrated, because of the approaching death

   Relatives are frustrated , because of loosing their loved one”

The doctor, prescribed a series of test

• Biopsy ( Though it was proved, but every hospital does it’s own tests)
• CT (Computed Tomography)Scan
• X-Ray
• MRI
• Endoscopy
• PET CT Scan
• Ultrasound
• Blood Test ( For platelets)- this test was conducted every week for  the next 10 months)

 I hated all the tests, but i hated most was the blood test ,conducted every week.  Having a needle in your arm,  even before the wound created by earlier prick has not healed. Papa never complained and never showed signs of depression. He endured all the pain and hurt with so much courage and hope, that i fail to understand. He hoped that he will walk cancer free soon.

 He tried his best. He had all medicines timely, in the prescribed dosage and in the order as doctor suggested.He tried to maintain his schedule till he exhausted his last bit of energy. He would walk, do his daily chores all by himself, try to eat( despite of  loss of appetite ) and take rest. But he became quite and eventually silent( toward the last few weeks, papa lost his speech). 

I wanted the best for my father( like he always wanted for me). I wanted to be with papa, for papa -like he was there for me. Papa, always wanted me to be by his side. So every time  any tests would take place. I would accompany him(most of the time). That was also my way of maximizing my time with my father.  

Biopsy is a very painful process, as it is done by  pricking your body with needles and getting tissues out to conduct the necessary tests. The tissues are usually collected from 4 to 5 places. In case of cancer patients, the healing process is already very slow. For papa, it took 3 months for the wounds to heal.

The doctor attending papa called me, and explained the schedule of treatment that we will be following. Chemotherapy, tests and results will be reviewed after every 3 months.

Every time i visited the doctor, i had this look on my face  “ please give me some hope”. But the doctors refused to. I wanted papa to have hope, hope that he will be with us forever even when he breaths his last. 

All through, I never told my father, about his condition. Although I am very sure that he was very much aware of his progressing disease. He never expressed, nor i  let my expression betray me ( at least that’s what i think and i want to believe that ). We smiled for each other. I smiled for him and he smiled for me!

Love you papa!